Chewing On Ice
by Lady Valmar
Summary: Nevermind fire, just add a little ice, and everything will go insane. Never leave an astrophysicist with iced coffee, a malfunctioning machine, and a few too many issues on his mind. Sequel to Playing With Fire.


**A/N:** please reviews..reviews….and still working on L.S. also look out for a machine with a personality.

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Title: Chewing On Ice

Author: Lady Valmar

Genre: Humor/Slight Angsty

Spoilers: Season 1 - Season 2

Summary: Nevermind fire, just add a little ice, and everything will be…insane. Never leave an astrophysicist with iced coffee, a malfunctioning machine, and a few too many issues on his mind.

Warnings: Implications etc…

**Disclaimer: It's not mine, but couldn't I just keep Sheppard, McKay and Beckett, I promise to be good...! Okay so anything not owned by S.G.A, is mine and therefore please ask me if you want to use my ideas etc..and do not infringe nor steal my original stuff. **

**Chewing On Ice**

_By Lady Valmar_

Song Inspiration: Not Too Far To Walk by David Arkenstone

Quote:

"Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost." -Russell Baker

Turning the young, female lab assistant supplied, "You said WHAT to…Doc..tor. McKay?" Not letting her eyes trail off the man before her.

Biting his lower lip, the tech explained, "I told him..If I didn't know any better I'd think you are naked with envy." Letting his glasses slid a bit off his nose, he shuffled his feet but didn't take his eyes off her.

"So what did he say…" her eyebrows raising.

"..uh oh…look who is coming now…" groaned the tech, grasping the small stylus in his jacket's pocket and shuffling off to the small machine. He was configuring or rather repairing. It made several squeaks and beeps as he pressed some buttons on the side of it and resumed comparing the new readouts to the previous ones on the scanner.

The lab assistant just shook her head, "aaah…coming…sounds dirty to me…"

"he he…very funny…" said the tech, eyeing the machine, as it provided an appropriate click. The machine was from one of the lab supply rooms. It was malfunctioning, that much was obvious. It began by causing whomever that entered the room, to hear an audible low screech from it, much like an owl. For the first couple of weeks, most thought it had to be an animal or just something strange that happens in another galaxy, but after the tech, had finally checked it out, more out of interest then necessity, it was a small alarm system…apparently in disrepair.

Frowning the assistant scrambled to say, "Well it does…..oy he doesn't look happy…"

"He never does…"

A whoosh and the trudging entity known as Dr. McKay entered the lab, his eyes downcast, not even sparing the two a thought, McKay plopped down on the chair in front of his laptop. Sighing, he lifted the small cup of iced coffee to his mouth, sipping and absently nibbling on one of the ice cubes. Leaning on the table with his left elbow, he stroked his laptop's keyboard, and bit his lower lip.

The tech watched Rodney, feeling only some guilt at what had happened. It's not like he told Rodney how he really felt about him…anger, annoyance, and the constant urge to strangle the man. He couldn't say sorry, what was the point, but the least he could do was try and be nice….yeah nice, "um…Dr. McKay…do you…are you..alright?" asked the tech, keeping his eyes on the scanner.

Rodney rested his chin in his hand, and sipped his iced coffee some more. A steady screeching issued from the machine on the nearby table. Even that seemed to have a sad hymn to it, almost like it felt sad too. Refusing to answer, Rodney settled on drinking the "ice" coffee. It suited him perfectly, caffeinated to take the pull of sleep away and the icy coldness just like the coldness that was tugging at his heart.

"I should go and get some lunch…care to join?" asked the assistant carefully, edging towards the doors of the lab, her short, scrawny black hair rustling. A few sparkles of hazy green and cheerful bronze, emitted off the small cubic zircona clip of a turtle, in her hair. The light played on the earrings too, sending a small reflection of the white octagon, drifting onto her black shirt.

Rodney typed slowly, the silence growing as the tech threw in, "You know…I think I might be up for some lunch."

The machine at that moment began to squeal erratically, like some rap song off tune, making all three occupants in the room wince. "Or then again, maybe not…" wheezed the Tech, as he searched frantically for a way to turn the unruly thing off.

The pitch began to increase rapidly, grating on Rodney's nerves, all he wanted was to be left alone, to sulk in his misery.

"Just go…"snapped Rodney, as he scooted off the chair and ambled toward the machine.

The tech froze, nodded silently and hastily swept the assistant and himself from the lab. He could count his blessings….

After the two had left, Rodney felt a pang of anguish wash over him, why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut…she was so nice….and she actually liked him…no thought Rodney….had liked him. Mashing the buttons on the side of the machine repeatedly, hoping to make the machine shut up. He hoped he didn't make the sound worse…it was rare of him not to enjoy fixing machines and the like but he felt so pitiful and the noise was getting annoying. The room erupted with a blaring scraping sound, making Rodney grumble with disgust. He picked up the scanner, shoving the stylus across the surface. At that precise moment the machine abruptly changed to a sound similar to a screeching cat, only a very sick cat. Rodney, growled at the machine, finding his patience paper thin, he was feeling sad and angry.

Rodney wasn't known for his patience but when it came down to it, he could be mightily, if ever so, painfully patient but this wasn't one of those times. "Alright, alright, you stupid, machine…shut up….just shut up…please….if I beg will you SHUT UP!" screamed Rodney as he poked the scanner furiously and tried to find the source of the problem.

The machine, as if in response to Rodney's attempts to shut it up, began a steady beat of squeaks, squeals and horribly off tune tooting sounds…to Rodney's dismay.

"JUST SHUT UP….oh for crying out loud…"snarled Rodney, letting his temper flare.

It felt good, plus he couldn't help it…Dr. Hanson had made him upset… and he felt it did him justice if he felt sad and angry to take it out on something…inanimate or otherwise. Unlike Carter…with Dr. Hanson, he hadn't the chance to charm her…he had had to put her down and she had made him pay for it… and that Sheppard…why would she want Sheppard, that swashbuckler…thought Rodney, jabbing the machine with his finger angrily.

The machine relented at last, settling for a small chirping click, and a low hum. Rodney sighed…well at least he didn't have to deal with Mr. Your-naked-with-envy jerk. Pacing over to his desk, Rodney grabbed his coffee, crunching down on the ice cube that had partially melted near the top of the cup. The machine as if on cue began by humming even louder and making squeaking sounds complete with wheezy static. Rodney had had it with this machine…he decided he wasn't going to take this monstrosity anymore.

Traipsing over to the machine, Rodney sipped his coffee and then poured it over the machine, causing it to zap and hiss. Grinning menacingly, Rodney shouted at it, "HAH SO WHOSE GOT THE LAST LAUGH NOW? OH THAT'S RIGHT YOU STUPID MACHINE …SO NOW YOU WILL SHUT UP SO I CAN AT LAST SULK IN MY MISERY…"

The doors whooshed open, just as Rodney began his rant, the Colonel strode in, eyeing Rodney with a skeptical expression.

"Rodney? Is that you shouting at inanimate objects again….?" teased Sheppard, leaning himself on the lab table's edge.

"WHAT I…I…Col. what are you doing here?" quizzed Rodney, his cheeks flushing red, and coughing slightly as he sat the cup in his hand down.

The machine made a pitiful squeak and hissed some more, popping occasionally. The Colonel raised an eyebrow at the machine on the table and at the steady drip of coffee beading it's way onto the floor. Ice cubes sat on the table and some on the floor.

"Well…I was going to say what are you up to….ah…you know that machine seems like it's broken…" smirked John, scrunching his eyebrows up, and crossing his arms. The machine whistled pathetically back, hissing slightly.

John smiled, "I guess it agrees."

It was almost too much to witness…Rodney standing in front of a hissing, potentially dangerous wet machine, with ice cubes scattered on the floor, the machine and the desk. His arms were out wide and he was staring at the Colonel red-faced, the center of his face, tightly squirreled into a bunch, his mouth gaping. The Colonel leaned his butt against the table nearby, his back to the door. She all but felt sympathy for Rodney…but he eyes were on Sheppard…at least he had good looks and a nice butt, thought Terra, letting her hands smooth down her wrinkled blouse. But I've got other things to do then to trail him…back to work and maybe a little mm mmmm czech…

Sheppard cocked his head, as Rodney straightened and eyed the machine, his hands balled into fists. The machine remained complacent, only occasionally beeping like a pager. An ice cube began its trip toward the edge of the table, leaving a thin trickle of an inky, brown liquid.

Striding forward Sheppard plucked the ice cube off the table near the machine, "Maybe you should get some rest…you look tired..." voiced Sheppard, inspecting the ice cube.

Rodney stood still unsure if he should clean up the mess…or leave it for the lackeys…as he called them…to do it. Deciding better against quarreling his point to the Col. about electricity and water…he glares tersely at Sheppard.

Pointing at the machine, Sheppard adds, "I don't think it likes you…because as soon as I walked over, it shut up." Sheppard kept his voice as neutral as possible as well as his facial expressions, but he had to restrain himself, from laughing.

Rodney began to reply when Sheppard suddenly, took the cube wiped it on his sleeve and plopped it into his mouth. "mmm..coffee flavored ice…tasty," garbled Sheppard, as he chewed on it.

Rodney's mouth dropped open…he was just well relieved that at least Dr. Hanson wasn't the one who had strode in, instead of Sheppard.

"Colonel, that's disgusting…and ew…don't you know there's bacteria and who knows what other kinds of crude that lives on table tops…not to mention that I just had that coffee and possibly that ice cube in my mouth," explains Rodney, his voice beginning to color with taunting enthusiasm.

That got him, Sheppard choked on the ice cube and spit it out. It's chewed mass flew…onto the machine and Rodney…as he mentally reminded himself…never to eat any thing that involved machines, Rodney and editable materials again.

Rodney looked absolutely horrified…and began to protest, just as the machine made a short screeching sound appropriately. Sheppard disgusted, thumped it with his hand, receiving a small zap to his finger…

"Ouch…" groaned Sheppard, rubbing it, while waggling his tongue at the floor and trying not to gag.

"Owww..I think it gave you a love bite, Sheppard," replied Rodney nastily, as he stalked out of the lab, hearing a crack from the machine, leaving Sheppard to eye it suspiciously.

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**A/N:** …oww…poor machine….I almost feel sorry for it…don't you? 


End file.
